1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:05,760 @ - At this moment, somewhere over the Atlantic. 2 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:17,039 Oh, Charles, Charles, you did such a smashing job 3 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,239 with your speech to Congress. 4 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:22,639 After that, there's no way Donald Trump will do anything 5 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:26,239 weird or bad ever again. 6 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,800 Mission accomplished, Camilla. 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,679 Still, I'm glad to be heading home. 8 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,479 I just hate being in any country where 9 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,679 my mummy's not on the money. 10 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,319 Come on now, Charles, America's not so bad. 11 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:43,519 They've got hot dogs, Reese's Pieces, and best 12 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,759 of all, legal weed gummies. 13 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,279 Don't tell anybody, but I'm sneaking some 14 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,439 through customs in my tummy. 15 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,719 Camilla, you minx. 16 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,319 Ladies and gentlemen, the in-flight 17 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,319 meal is about to be served. 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,439 Please return your seats to their upright position. 19 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,760 Chicken or fish? 20 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:05,639 Chicken or fish? 21 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,719 Could we possibly have a bit of each? 22 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:09,759 - We don't do that. - Oh. 23 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,679 Good afternoon, passengers, this is your captain speaking. 24 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,639 We're currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet. 25 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,039 Time in the UK is 10:02 PM. 26 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,639 And we're turning around and going 27 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,439 all the way back to America. 28 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,759 Did you hear that, hubby? 29 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,199 They're turning the plane around. 30 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,119 What the devil? 31 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,719 Captain, I demand this plane return to Britain. 32 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:37,159 I'm afraid I can't do that, Your Majesty. 33 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,519 Because you see-- 34 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,679 It's me, 35 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,519 Sir Keir Starmer. 36 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,519 Sir Keir, what in the blazes are you doing here? 37 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,639 Unless I'm very much mistaken, Your Majesty, 38 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,399 I've hijacked the royal plane. 39 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,639 Sir Keir, land this plane at once. 40 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,159 No can do, Queenie. 41 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:10,359 You see, I was dusting off some of my old legal textbooks, 42 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,759 and I came across a rather intriguing statute. 43 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,279 Did you know that a prime minister 44 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:24,319 cannot be removed while the monarch is out of the country? 45 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,759 So you thought you'd save your premiership 46 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:27,760 with this dastardly plan? 47 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,800 What other choice did I have, doing a good job? 48 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,599 Ha. 49 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,239 Grow up! 50 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,679 Sir Kier, I command you, by order of the King-- 51 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,199 The king of what, Charles? 52 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,239 The king of the clouds? 53 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:49,079 You have no power up here. 54 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,439 So long as we keep circling the skies, 55 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,639 I keep being prime minister. 56 00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,079 Hey, Sir Keir, I've got a question. 57 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:07,519 Chicken or fist? 58 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,679 Unnamed flight attendant, but why? 59 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,759 Because I do have a name, Your Majesty. 60 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:19,079 You see, it's me, Angela Rayner. 61 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:27,519 Angela Rayner? 62 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,559 Yes, and I'm taking us home. 63 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,359 Because I've been looking through 64 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,759 some old legal textbooks. 65 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,519 And I've realized, if you're not in the country, 66 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,799 then I can't do-- 67 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,519 This thing I'm planning. 68 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:45,119 Hey, Rayner, please return your body 69 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,079 to the downright position. 70 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,639 I'm not letting this plane get back to Britain. 71 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:57,359 Because you see, it's me-- 72 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,759 Paul Selby. 73 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,559 And we're supposed to know who that is? 74 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,159 Not at all. 75 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:08,959 I'm not famous. 76 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,119 I'm the one member of the British public 77 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,239 who loves Keir Starmer. 78 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,439 That's right, I was indoctrinated 79 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,199 online by the radical center left, 80 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,760 and now I'm in charge of this plane. 81 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,159 And nothing will-- nothing-- 82 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:28,079 I knew there was something fishy about that chap. 83 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,319 That's why, right after takeoff, 84 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,759 I secretly slipped him 47 of your weed gummies, darling. 85 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:34,719 Oh, Charles! 86 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,679 Like I've always said, you come for the king, 87 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,159 you best not miss. 88 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,359 Now, baby, get in the cockpit and take the plane home. 89 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,119 Because-- 90 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:53,479 Live from London, it's Saturday night! 91 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:03,639 It's "Saturday Night Live." 92 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:14,479 With Hammed Animashaun. 93 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:21,480 Ayoade Bamgboye. 94 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:28,759 Larry Dean. 95 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:34,079 Celeste Dring. 96 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:40,479 George Fouracres. 97 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:45,719 Ania Magliano. 98 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:51,599 Annabelle Marlow. 99 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:57,279 Al Nash. 100 00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:03,039 Jack Shep. 101 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:11,039 Emma Sidi. 102 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:17,399 Paddy Young. 103 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:23,759 Musical guest Meek. 104 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,599 ú And your host, Aimee Lou Wood. 105 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:43,279 Ladies and gentlemen, Aimee Lou Wood! 106 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:57,119 Ahhh! 107 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:57,759 Thank you! 108 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:58,719 Thank you, thank you. 109 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:04,159 I'm Aimee Lou Wood, and I'm so excited to be hosting "SNL UK." 110 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,559 Whoo, ooh. 111 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:10,720 And I am the first Northern host. 112 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,239 Shout-out to the Stockport Hat Museum. 113 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,359 Yes! 114 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,039 Oh, seriously, it is a huge honor to be here tonight. 115 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,479 You might know me from "Sex Education," 116 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,479 the show that took the shame out of getting freaky. 117 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,519 Or perhaps you know me from "The White Lotus," 118 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:30,479 the show where a guy-- 119 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,319 the show where a guy wanks off his brother 120 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,279 and puts the shame right back in there. 121 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:41,079 But this is the first time I've ever stood on live television 122 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:41,679 as myself. 123 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,039 And honestly, I have been having stress dreams 124 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,719 about this moment where I come out and 125 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,679 just start talking gibberish. 126 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:56,039 But thankfully, . 127 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:01,039 Phew, nailed it! 128 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,279 Talking of powerful women making interesting noises, 129 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,399 the writers have been asking me all week, Amy, what do you 130 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,559 want to say in your monologue? 131 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,199 And after a lot of long, hard thinking, 132 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,319 the answer was simple-- 133 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:19,119 I want to scat like Kim Cattrall in that YouTube video. 134 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,039 And I am aware that not everyone will 135 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,760 get that reference, but I guarantee 136 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,239 the five people that did will nominate 137 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:48,439 me for the BAFTA PandO Cruises TV Moment of the Year! 138 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,519 It's very nice to show a different side of myself 139 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:54,359 though, because ever since I got famous, all I ever hear 140 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,119 is how relatable I am, how bubbly I am. 141 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:03,119 But I'm here tonight to put those vicious rumors to rest, 142 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,720 because you know what? 143 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,159 I'm a freak. 144 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:07,999 No, I am! 145 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,039 I'm a weird lady! 146 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:18,199 The only thing bubbly about me is my IBS. 147 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:22,119 I'm a Scorpio moon, for God's sake! 148 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:22,639 OK? 149 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:29,279 I once got a reading from an astrologer and she said sorry. 150 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,159 That's how intense my birth chart is. 151 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,319 No, seriously, I'm genuinely tapped into something other. 152 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,399 It's not just horoscopes and auras. 153 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,279 I'm also mixing with the spiritual realm all the time. 154 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,559 For instance, this is going to sound very cocky, 155 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:46,759 but in a past life, I was Derek Jarman, the British artist. 156 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:50,559 And that's true because it came up in a regression, right? 157 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:54,239 And in fact, I can tell anyone what they were in a past life. 158 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:54,679 OK? 159 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,519 So I'm going to do it now. 160 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:57,279 Right now. 161 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:02,279 So we've got dog, dog, dog, dog-- 162 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,759 ooh, you were the Pope. 163 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,719 Well done. 164 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,719 Dog, dog, and-- ooh, hello. 165 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:10,639 OK. 166 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:14,759 Yes, you. 167 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,759 You were Pablo Escobar. 168 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,279 Bit of a bad boy, huh? 169 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,239 I also carry crystals about like this one. 170 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,359 I make sure I always have it in my bra when I'm flying. 171 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:31,079 It protects me as long as the plane doesn't crash. 172 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,479 Look, I know I may sound just like that fun Mancunian girl 173 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:38,239 you lived in uni halls with, or your cousin's 174 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,719 super sweet partner with the job you can't quite remember. 175 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,359 But I, Aimee Lou Wood, am a certified, 176 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,800 card-carrying goddamn weirdo! 177 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,119 And don't you forget it! 178 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,079 We've got a great show coming up for you tonight, 179 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,439 including music from Meek! 180 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:12,559 So stick around and watch this! 181 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,599 ♪ She's the kind of girl who'll ruin your life ♪ 182 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,599 ♪ Flip your world upside down ♪ 183 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:27,679 ♪ You can't get her out of your mind ♪ 184 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,479 ♪ Here's why ♪ 185 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,559 ♪ Sing it, my guy ♪ 186 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:35,279 ♪ Yeah, she's dangerous, all right ♪ 187 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,239 ♪ But not just cause she's hot ♪ 188 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,599 ♪ She's also got really poor hand-eye-- ♪ 189 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,479 ♪ Coordination ♪ 190 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:47,719 ♪ She's crazy, clumsy, a gazelle on ice ♪ 191 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:51,759 ♪ Scooting in the wrong way in a back lane ♪ 192 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,759 ♪ Blind someone elderly when she pop that champagne ♪ 193 00:11:55,760 --> 00:12:00,719 ♪ Watching her undress is its own kind of insane ♪ 194 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,159 ú ♪ Headless horseman shit ♪ 195 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,519 ú ♪ A one-woman hurricane ♪ 196 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,679 ♪ Dangerous ♪ 197 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:07,639 ♪ Ow! ♪ 198 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:12,599 ♪ I asked to take her out, now she's taking me out ♪ 199 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,559 ♪ Dangerous! ♪ 200 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:14,760 ♪ Baby, that hurt! ♪ 201 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:15,719 ♪ Watch out ♪ 202 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,279 ♪ She'll have you up all night, baby ♪ 203 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,319 ♪ Waiting 'round in AandE ♪ 204 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,239 ♪ Dangerous ♪ 205 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:25,679 ♪ I try to keep things within safe limits ♪ 206 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,719 ♪ It's a blow to my pride ♪ 207 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:32,719 ♪ But now I wear a full-time helmet ♪ 208 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,799 ♪ And my clothes have no zips ♪ 209 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,800 ♪ With her hair and personality, ♪ 210 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,519 ♪ zips are high risk ♪ 211 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,239 ♪ Dangerous! ♪ 212 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,119 ♪ Ow! ♪ 213 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:41,799 ♪ Love hurts! ♪ 214 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,759 ♪ I was warned about this girl ♪ 215 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,479 ♪ on "999 with Michael Beurk" ♪ 216 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,199 ♪ Who the [bleep] is Michael Beurk? ♪ 217 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,239 ♪ My shirt is the canvas ♪ 218 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,719 ♪ My food is the paint ♪ 219 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,439 ♪ To stick with me, boy, ♪ 220 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,319 ♪ You need the patience of a saint ♪ 221 00:12:56,320 --> 00:13:00,559 ♪ When she's telling an anecdote about an accident, ♪ 222 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,159 ♪ You know she'll accidentally ♪ 223 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,039 ♪ re-enact the accident again ♪ 224 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,199 ♪ But she's forgetful regularly ♪ 225 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,679 ♪ It's not the same as being a klutz, ♪ 226 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,760 ♪ But it adds to the anarchy ♪ 227 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,119 ♪ She'll say things like-- ♪ 228 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,399 Sorry, I had to put a tampon in, 229 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,519 but now I think there might have been already one in there. 230 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,039 Ooh, what looks good. 231 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,039 Jesus! 232 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,279 ♪ My hair stays rock and roll ♪ 233 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,519 ♪ Way more drop 'n' roll ♪ 234 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,119 ♪ Dangerous! ♪ 235 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:28,759 ♪ My bad ♪ 236 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,319 ♪ Unfortunately, this gorgeous klutz-- ♪ 237 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,759 ♪ Is the best you've ever had ♪ 238 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,119 ♪ Before she goes down on you, ♪ 239 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,119 ♪ You better sign that waiver ♪ 240 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,679 ♪ And never let her go on top ♪ 241 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:41,519 ♪ She'll say-- ♪ 242 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,799 Don't worry, I got this. 243 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,639 ú♪ But she absolutely does not ♪ 244 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,159 ♪ I better get used to this life ♪ 245 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:56,079 ♪ Cause I'm only going to make this clumsy girl ♪ 246 00:13:56,080 --> 00:14:00,719 ♪ My wife ♪ 247 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,759 We've arrived. 248 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,039 What is this place, Doctor? 249 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,039 I had a feeling you might like it. 250 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:27,479 Welcome to Trexelor 5, home of the great time library! 251 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,319 Incredible. 252 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,479 Ugh, we're not in my relatable Northern town anymore. 253 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:36,199 I've been looking for this for 16 lifetimes. 254 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:40,159 This is the home of the Tree of Knowledge. 255 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,119 A tree? 256 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:41,759 In a spaceship? 257 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,159 It's the only place that can keep it safe. 258 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,239 This tree fruits once every trillion years! 259 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,079 One taste of the tree's fruit gives you the answer 260 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,199 to any question you desire! 261 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,039 It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience. 262 00:14:55,040 --> 00:15:00,719 Incredible. 263 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:11,279 What the fuck is that? 264 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,319 That's the tree. 265 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,159 I'm going to throw up in my mouth. 266 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,039 I mean-- I mean, it may not be conventionally 267 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,159 attractive, but-- 268 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,999 No, I mean, why is it dripping? 269 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,119 That's not a tree. 270 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,359 The name is allegorical! 271 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,439 This is an ancient creature of infinite wisdom, 272 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:30,439 a repository of a trillion years of kindness, empathy, 273 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,319 and intelligence. 274 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,759 Well, it looks like my HPV flare up. 275 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,639 You're being really disrespectful here, Ellen. 276 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,319 Do not offend the Tree of Knowledge. 277 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,559 No, I think we should kill it. 278 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,119 Do not threaten the tree! 279 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,239 Nobody's threatening the tree! 280 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,759 The doctor does not kill! 281 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:48,759 Ooh, great. 282 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:49,719 Now it's farting. 283 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,359 No, no, no, it's not farting. 284 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,399 It's talking. 285 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,479 It welcomes us. 286 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,519 Oh, my God. 287 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,359 Sounds like me after bottomless brunch. 288 00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,759 I'm allergic to champagne, so it 289 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,639 comes out me like fizzy gravy. 290 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,039 Ellen! 291 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,159 Ellen, come on. 292 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:06,959 This is amazing. 293 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,159 You're having a genuinely incredible experience. 294 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,079 You always do this! 295 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,239 Why can't you just take me somewhere nice? 296 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,119 I took you to Jane Austen's house! 297 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,599 Yeah, and she stank! 298 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,519 She stank of old! 299 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,159 Well, everyone did before they invented Lynx Africa. 300 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:25,159 Yeah, look, why can't we just go to, like, Thorpe Park 301 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,999 before the accidents made it woke? 302 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:32,119 Or the Arndale Centre for a bubble tea? 303 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:33,719 Right. 304 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:34,679 What's it saying now? 305 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,239 It wants you to greet it. 306 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,119 Go on. 307 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,239 It's minging! 308 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,679 Go! 309 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,439 Hi. 310 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,319 No, no, you need to shake its hand. 311 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,719 I really don't want to do that! 312 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,519 You get the answer to all your biggest questions! 313 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,759 Don't you want to know where your dad is? 314 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,279 The secret to happiness? 315 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,199 Or what bra size you really are? 316 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,439 Oh, yeah, I do want to know that. 317 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,639 All of that, especially the bra thing. 318 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:01,719 Yeah. 319 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:02,639 OK. 320 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:03,999 Hello, blob. 321 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,279 No, that's not his hand. That's his tit. 322 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,679 His tit came off in my hand! 323 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,599 No, I am so sorry she pulled off your tit! 324 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,359 Oh, my God! 325 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,359 Silence! 326 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:15,679 The tree is fruiting! 327 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,399 He is ready for you to suck its nectar 328 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,039 and receive its knowledge! 329 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,039 No, no, no! 330 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,119 If that's the fruit, I'm about to kick off! 331 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,719 Well, it is the fruit. 332 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,559 And if you want the answers, you must eat it. 333 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,319 Oh, my God, no way! 334 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,199 I've seen "Alien"! 335 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,119 I'm not swallowing that and then having it burst 336 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,399 out my fanny when I get home! 337 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,359 No, it doesn't work like that! 338 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:37,999 Right. 339 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,239 See, I'm going to go and watch some Reels in the TARDIS. 340 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:41,719 Fine. 341 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,039 Fine, but don't vape in there. 342 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,279 I hate the smell of triple mango. 343 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,679 Triple mango? 344 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,760 That's three mangoes! 345 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,479 Fine, I'll vape outside. 346 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:51,439 No! 347 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,399 What have you done? 348 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:57,319 A single mango is poison enough to our people! 349 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,639 Oh, God! 350 00:17:58,640 --> 00:17:59,439 The tree! 351 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:03,439 It has lived three trillion millennia, and now it's dying! 352 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,719 Shit! Shit! 353 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:05,559 You killed them! 354 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,719 I can't be found here! - Yeah. 355 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,519 Oh, my God! - Get in the TARDIS! 356 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,599 Quick, quick! 357 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,679 Stop, murderers! 358 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,519 Don't worry! 359 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,719 The sonic screwdriver will wipe his memory. 360 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,399 Oh, Ellen! 361 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,399 Ellen, I'm gonna go. 362 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,679 You know what the space cops will 363 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,999 do if they find a Black doctor at a crime scene. 364 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,039 It's not a good look, I'm telling you. 365 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,039 I'll see you later. 366 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:30,720 It was nice to meet you. 367 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,359 I need to stop picking up white girls. 368 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,719 Princess! 369 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,279 Princess, it's-a me, Mario! 370 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:31,159 I'm-a home! 371 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,679 Real nice, Mario. 372 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:37,519 3 o'clock in the afternoon and you're already getting loaded. 373 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,439 Oh, here we go again. 374 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,279 Mamma Mia. 375 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,760 And why aren't you at work? 376 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,239 The city run out of pipes to fix? 377 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:49,199 I lost another job to the freakin' Petrov brothers. 378 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,999 Those Bulgarian sons of bitches, 379 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,119 they always undercut me! 380 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,039 Enough with the Petrov brothers, OK? 381 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:56,760 It's you. 382 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:57,639 You're lazy. 383 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,679 You're always off go karting with that monkey who 384 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,479 wears a tie and nothing else. 385 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,079 You-- you leave him alone! 386 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,199 He's a decent guy! 387 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,119 Whatever, Mario! 388 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,599 I asked you to fix the garbage disposal three weeks ago, 389 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,359 and you still haven't got off your fat Italian ass 390 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,159 and done it yet! 391 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,639 - I'm not the fat ass! - Yeah. 392 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,279 I'm not the fat ass! 393 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:17,759 Yeah. 394 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,199 Look at this place, Princess! 395 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,599 What are we up to, you little fruity mushroom serpent? 396 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,599 While I run and do everything, you live like a pig! 397 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,399 Oh, yeah? 398 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,039 Well, how can I make this place nice when 399 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,639 ya freakin' dog comes in here and 400 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,399 wrecks it every five seconds! 401 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,479 He's not a dog. 402 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,279 He's a dinosaur! 403 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,119 He's a pain in my ass is what he is! 404 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,239 A pain in my ass. 405 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,199 Oh, what I tell you? 406 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,639 You cannot lock him in-a this room! 407 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,519 He needs a 20 mile exercise a day! 408 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:52,719 That's why I buy him the little red sneakers! 409 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,439 For God's sake! 410 00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,239 Mario, Mario! 411 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,359 Mario, don't you see? 412 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,439 This is what I'm talking about! 413 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:02,479 I can't live like this no more! 414 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,239 Oh, well, maybe you shoulda marry Luigi! 415 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:05,840 Oh. 416 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,639 I know you wanted to! 417 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,719 Oh, Luigi, you're so tall! 418 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,039 Oh, Luigi, you live in a mansion. 419 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,759 Yeah, a mansion full of ghost! 420 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:16,479 Oh. 421 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,159 Yeah, well, at least the ghosts would chase me. 422 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,279 What's that supposed to mean? 423 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:27,079 Now you don't gotta rescue me from no castles no more. 424 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,519 You ain't interested. 425 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,439 Why you gotta do this? 426 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,079 Why-- why you gotta make everything so hard? 427 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,599 That's the problem, Mario. 428 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,599 I don't make nothing hard no more. 429 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:48,319 Please-a Peach, I'm-a take the mushroom to make me bigger. 430 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,359 Ooh, ooh, you're a big guy now. 431 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:51,399 You're the big man. 432 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,319 Uh-huh, right, OK. 433 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,199 Well, you know, I spoke to Zelda the other day 434 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,559 at the salon, yeah? 435 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,759 Link cannot get enough of her, OK? 436 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:03,199 They did it five times on Saturday! 437 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,199 Zelda does the Pilates. 438 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,559 Oh! 439 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:09,479 Listen to me, Mario! 440 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,119 Just face it, you never wanted me, OK? 441 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,639 You just wanted to be the guy that 442 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,199 saved me from big bad Bowser! 443 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:16,679 Stop it! 444 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,159 I tell you, never mention that scaley son 445 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,719 a bitch name in-a my house! 446 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,319 But-- what-- wait. 447 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,319 This is some boulder in there. 448 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,119 Who is it, Peach? 449 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,119 A Luigi? 450 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,159 Or is it Wario? 451 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,679 Oh, what, are you screwing Wario now? 452 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,239 Mario, you're drunk! 453 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,639 Stop it, you're crazy! 454 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,799 This is some boulder there. 455 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,359 I'm-a pull the chomper, get it up on his head! 456 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,679 Mario, stop it! 457 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:49,639 Come out of here! 458 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,119 Come out of here, , 459 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,639 Let's-a go! 460 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:58,159 Oh, god. 461 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,559 No! 462 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,679 Mah, no, Toad. 463 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:04,999 Mah no! 464 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:10,319 Sorry, Mario, the Petrov brothers say hello. 465 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:30,760 Based on Enid Blyton's timeless children's stories 466 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:31,759 "The Famous Five"-- 467 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,559 I say, we are vewy adventuwous! 468 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,279 comes a bold new Gen Z reboot. 469 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,799 It's those same quaint 1950s adventures you 470 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,279 vaguely remember from childhood, with 471 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,359 Gen Z stuff shoehorned in. 472 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,039 Would anyone care for a cwumpet? 473 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,559 No, thank you, I'm full of vapes. 474 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,679 Starring Aimee Lou Wood as Anne and 475 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,079 Millie Bobby Blooby Blown as George. 476 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:01,719 And in this one, she's openly queer. 477 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:06,719 The doctor diagnosed me with LGBT-ese type 1, lesbian. 478 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,759 And Dick's played by Jaden Smith. 479 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,319 I'm here doing PR for my whole family. 480 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:12,679 Except one of the actors contracts 481 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,679 was watertight, so Julian is unfortunately exactly 482 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,439 the same as in the books. 483 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,439 Jolly whatsits! 484 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,119 A treasure map! 485 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,039 Even Timmy the dog is non-binary. 486 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,279 Come on, Timmy! 487 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:26,759 Come on! 488 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,599 And they're played by Tom Holland. 489 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,519 Bark, bark, bark. 490 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:31,279 Zendaya. 491 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,519 The Telegraph calls it "overstimulating 492 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:35,760 and underwritten." 493 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,599 I'm addicted to my phone. 494 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,759 Personally, I can't stop scrolling. 495 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,199 And the commissioner says, "Look, 496 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,239 we know it's a low point. 497 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,439 @ It's based on pre-existing IP and we're really 498 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:47,479 ú scraping the barrel now!" 499 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:52,279 And they talk about World War II like you talk about COVID. 500 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,199 It's relatable! 501 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,239 World War II was so mid. 502 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:59,999 So trueth, and I returned from World War II with ADHD! 503 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,999 Can we please paddle to shore? 504 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,639 I love paddle! 505 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,519 The stories your granny loved, 506 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,359 but now the characters are [bleep] exhausting. 507 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:14,519 Turn the big light off. 508 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:15,679 I hate the big light. 509 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,199 It's a torch! 510 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,119 Hm, vibes. 511 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,239 Why are you letting them say this stuff? 512 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,079 Ooh, a little "Fleabag" moment! 513 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:25,599 I live! 514 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:26,679 With brand new mysteries-- 515 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,519 This tunnel should lead directly to Old Nonce Manor. 516 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,639 that they suspect immediately-- 517 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,639 Can't I just tunnel from home? 518 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,759 so there isn't really any plot. 519 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:38,439 Guys? 520 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:43,479 Complete with a brand new Gen Z villain, a landlord! 521 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:44,279 Hands off. 522 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,119 I'm here to paint over your black mural. 523 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:49,199 Stand back or we'll unalive you! 524 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:53,199 No one's saying it works, but everyone's 525 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,239 saying it's out soon. 526 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,119 I'm laughing. 527 00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:57,519 I'm laughing right now. 528 00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,359 I'm literally dead. 529 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:02,559 Oh my god, I'm the same. 530 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,319 I didn't like today. 531 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:09,479 Coming soon to TikTok and . 532 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:36,759 Hi! 533 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,639 Hi, yeah, I think I left my suitcase here yesterday. 534 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,399 OK. 535 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:42,319 Can you describe it? 536 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:46,279 Yeah, it's a black rectangle on wheels. 537 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:47,159 This one? 538 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,679 Oh, thank God! Yes! 539 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:49,359 OK. 540 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,199 Before I hand it over, for security reasons, 541 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,559 I do have to ask you what's inside. 542 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,519 OK. 543 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,759 This is going to sound bad, right? 544 00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:06,279 And I promise it's not for here, but it is a bomb. 545 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,439 You crazy, bitch! 546 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:10,439 No, stop it! 547 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,679 I'm screaming! 548 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:12,399 OK. 549 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,719 So obviously, inquiring minds need to know, 550 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,439 do you plan to harm someone with this? 551 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:17,679 Because if so, I'm going to have 552 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,119 to fill out an incident form and, girl, 553 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:20,399 you know I don't have a pen. - Yeah. 554 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,159 No, obviously I'm not trying to kill anyone. 555 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,479 I'm not a man. 556 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:29,319 I'm crying laughing. 557 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:29,959 OK. 558 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,639 But seriously, what is it for? 559 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:32,359 OK. 560 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,759 You're never going to guess. 561 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,239 The Zara changing rooms! 562 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,199 - It's the mirrors! - Don't! 563 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:40,359 - Stop it! - Don't! 564 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,359 I'm going to literally ill now. - No! 565 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,239 Go! Go! 566 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:45,719 Oh my god! - I love you! 567 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,639 No, stop! I love you! 568 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,679 I love you! OK. 569 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,679 Tell me why I'm going into those changing 570 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,279 rooms with my arms full of jeans 571 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,119 and I'm leaving with my eyes full of tears. 572 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:55,519 Yeah, tell me why I'm going in there 573 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,479 with my arms full of crop tops and leaving with plans to bomb 574 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,159 it in the dead of the night. 575 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,679 Those things are similar. 576 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:03,439 OK. 577 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,639 Three words-- you, me, hanging out after this. 578 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:06,359 Yeah. 579 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:07,999 Oh, my God, obviously! 580 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:08,519 OK. 581 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:09,999 OK, I'm just going to grab that case. 582 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,399 Oh, oh-- yeah, so on that-- 583 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,479 I'm so sorry, not to be a fun sponge. 584 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:14,159 OK? 585 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,439 But now I know there's a bomb in there, 586 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,639 I can't give it to you. - OK. 587 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,039 I'm on such thin ice with my boss 588 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:19,639 because I've been eating his lunch every day. 589 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,319 Yeah, but can I be a bitch for a second? 590 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,279 OK, my favorite sentence in the whole world. 591 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,079 I'm just going to snatch it and run anyway! 592 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:29,719 No, don't! 593 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,199 Oh, my God. 594 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,239 Oh, my God! 595 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:34,479 No, no, no! 596 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,760 Excuse me, do you work here? 597 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,760 No, I'm dressed like this because I like it? 598 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:42,679 Hello? 599 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:43,760 Turn off your brain. 600 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,079 Turn on your brain! 601 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:46,319 It's like-- 602 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,399 I'll just go ask someone else. 603 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,159 You guys seem like really good friends. 604 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:56,119 Aww, thank you. 605 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,399 OK, I have something to tell you. 606 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,119 All right? 607 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:02,439 This cardigan, it's Zara! 608 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,199 Oh, God. 609 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,720 And I also have something to confess. 610 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:05,439 Yeah? 611 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,159 I've never told anyone this, but I'm gay. 612 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,679 - Wait. - Wait. 613 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:15,999 Wait. 614 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,359 Wait, hang on. 615 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,719 Oh, my God, girl. - What? 616 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,239 Girl. 617 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:21,840 What? 618 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:22,999 This isn't a bomb! 619 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,279 It's a George Foreman grill. 620 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,279 Oh, my God! 621 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,079 I am never using Facebook Marketplace again! 622 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,359 God, I can't believe I said that joke 623 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,159 earlier about me being gay. 624 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:42,159 Yeah. 625 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,559 So, are we still hanging out later? 626 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,759 Well, it's-- 627 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,599 It's just-- oh, God, this is so awkward, but no. 628 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,999 I already have loads of friends. 629 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,239 Like, for example, I've got my uni 630 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,759 girls, my Camp America girls, my National Youth 631 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:56,599 theater girls. 632 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,759 OK, yeah, so we just had a near-death experience together, 633 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,279 but I guess that means nothing? 634 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,239 Girl, I lowkey think you should just take the grill 635 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,279 and go because you're actually pissing me off. 636 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:10,639 Sure, fine. 637 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:15,399 The guy at lost property is gay. 638 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:31,119 No! 639 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:37,559 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Meek! 640 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,359 ♪ I just got my heart broken ♪ 641 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,559 ♪ But I look way too fabulous ♪ 642 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,519 ♪ Yeah, I'm back in therapy ♪ 643 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,559 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 644 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,759 ♪ Tax man took my money ♪ 645 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,279 ♪ But I'm feeling way too fabulous ♪ 646 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:55,159 ♪ I ain't sad, ♪ 647 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,119 ♪ I'm just feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 648 00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,399 ♪ The bigger my tears, ♪ 649 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:00,639 ♪ The bigger my lashes, ♪ 650 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,639 ♪ The curls in my hair ♪ 651 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,239 ♪ Bigger the hit, the hotter I feel ♪ 652 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:05,759 ♪ And the less than I care ♪ 653 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:06,759 ♪ The deeper it hurts, ♪ 654 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:10,439 ♪ More Vivienne Westwood I feel I deserve ♪ 655 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,079 ♪ If you know, you know ♪ 656 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,519 ♪ I just got my heart broken, but ♪ 657 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,199 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 658 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,519 ♪ Yeah, I'm back in therapy, but ♪ 659 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:20,759 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 660 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,559 ♪ Tax man took my money, ♪ 661 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,399 ♪ But I'm feeling way too fabulous ♪ 662 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:30,439 ♪ I ain't sad, I'm just feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 663 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,639 ♪ Liberace, tragedy in Versace ♪ 664 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,599 ♪ I'm like Mata Hari, ♪ 665 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,759 ♪ Keep secrets, serving body ♪ 666 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,679 ♪ Oh, ain't it the way ♪ 667 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:44,559 ♪ It's always the fierce who fight the hardest ♪ 668 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,479 ♪ What a shame ♪ 669 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:47,759 ♪ Slay to be slayed ♪ 670 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:54,519 ♪ Promise you'll dance in those stilettos on my grave ♪ 671 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:58,359 ♪ They say beauty is pain ♪ 672 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,079 ♪ But when I feel beautiful, ♪ 673 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:05,119 ♪ I barely feel the weight ♪ 674 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,519 ♪ I just got my heart broken, but ♪ 675 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,319 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 676 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,519 ♪ Yes, I'm back in therapy, but ♪ 677 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,759 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 678 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,479 ♪ Tax man took my money, but I'm ♪ 679 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,399 ♪ Feeling way too fabulous ♪ 680 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:22,159 ♪ I ain't sad, I'm just feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 681 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:30,519 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 682 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:35,039 ♪ I'm feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 683 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,199 ♪ Feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 684 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,359 ♪ I just got my heart broken, but ♪ 685 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,279 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 686 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:42,759 ♪ Yes, I'm back in therapy, but ♪ 687 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,039 ♪ I look way too fabulous ♪ 688 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:45,639 ♪ Ooh ♪ 689 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,479 ♪ Tax man took my money, but I'm ♪ 690 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,079 ♪ Feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 691 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,079 ♪ Ooh ♪ 692 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,519 ♪ I ain't sad, I'm just ♪ 693 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,279 ♪ Feelin' way too fabulous ♪ 694 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:55,399 ♪ The bigger my tears, ♪ 695 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,639 ♪ The bigger my lashes, ♪ 696 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,159 ♪ The curls in my hair ♪ 697 00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,159 ♪ Bigger the hit, ♪ 698 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,079 ♪ The hotter I look and the less that I care ♪ 699 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,079 ♪ Deeper it hurts, ♪ 700 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,039 ♪ More Vivienne Westwood I feel I deserve ♪ 701 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:11,999 ♪ Yeah, 'cause I feel way too fabulous ♪ 702 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:49,599 It's "Weekend Update" with Ania Magliano and Paddy Young! 703 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,599 Good evening, and welcome to "Weekend Update"! 704 00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:58,479 I'm Paddy Young. 705 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:03,039 And I'm Ania Magliano. 706 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,719 This week, King Charles and Queen Camilla 707 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:08,599 made their first official state visit to Washington, DC. 708 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:12,199 As part of the trip, Charles presented the president 709 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:13,479 with an engraved bell. 710 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,039 Ideally, Trump will wear the bell on a collar 711 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:22,759 like a cat to warn young women that he's approaching. 712 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,039 During the trip, the couples used 713 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:28,599 coordinated fashion to project unity between the two nations. 714 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:38,399 Camilla, seen here wearing Diana's horcrux, 715 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:43,079 attended the state dinner in a bespoke fuchsia gown. 716 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,559 The color of her dress complemented 717 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,039 both Melania's strapless pastel gown 718 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:52,439 and King Charles's iconic hot pink fingers. 719 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,239 As she welcomed the royal party to the White House, 720 00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:58,159 Melania greeted the king with a kiss, 721 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,679 clicking her jaw against his to spell out "save me" 722 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,439 in Morse code. 723 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,479 In Virginia, the king and queen watched 724 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,679 a clog-dancing performance from a group 725 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,079 of Appalachian mountain folk. 726 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,559 Inbred over generations to the point of physical deformity, 727 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:18,559 Charles and Camilla enjoyed the clog dance. 728 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,239 Throughout the state visit, press coverage 729 00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:23,639 of the conversations between the leaders 730 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,159 has been extremely guarded. 731 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,719 So to give us the inside scoop on what exactly was said, 732 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:38,559 here's a professional lip reader. 733 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:39,679 ú - Thanks for having me, Ania. 734 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:43,719 So you'reú a professional lip reader. 735 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:46,679 Sure. 736 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,199 OK, so can you take us through what 737 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,679 they're saying in this clip? 738 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:51,519 Absolutely. 739 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:55,319 OK, so-- OK, here's a question-- 740 00:35:55,320 --> 00:36:00,079 would you rather prawn growing out of your neck or no neck 741 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:00,639 at all? 742 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,039 Can I eat the prawn? 743 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,119 No way. 744 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:03,639 OK. 745 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,599 Sorry to interrupt, is that definitely 746 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:07,679 what they were saying? 747 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,159 Yeah, I lip readed it. 748 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:17,119 I'm a professional lip reader. 749 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:17,599 Oh, OK. 750 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,679 I can see in your eyes, you're not convinced, Ania. 751 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:20,439 It's OK. 752 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:21,759 Play another clip! 753 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,079 OK, so we've got two ladies here. 754 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,599 I'm not familiar with their work, but-- 755 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:32,119 but they're saying, "Our hats are mad, right?" 756 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,439 "Tell me about it." 757 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,719 "What's your favorite crisps?" 758 00:36:35,720 --> 00:36:38,199 "For me, Squares all day." 759 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,399 "Squares all day? 760 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:41,239 You're mad, girl! 761 00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:43,319 I like McCoys because they're rigid. 762 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,479 You get more flavor because of the ridges!" 763 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,159 OK, OK, I think I have to stop. 764 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,639 You've come on saying you're a professional lip reader, 765 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,599 but you are clearly making it up. 766 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,759 Ania, please, I need this! 767 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:55,519 Please! 768 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,159 Please, one more chance! 769 00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,599 One more chance! 770 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,199 OK, OK, OK. 771 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:02,679 Yes. 772 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,399 Fine, fine, but this is your last chance. 773 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:06,199 Thank you. 774 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:07,639 I haven't done this before. 775 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:17,399 I haven't. 776 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,359 OK, here we go. 777 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:23,519 "Have you seen 'Euphoria' series three? 778 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:24,719 It's shit." 779 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:25,719 OK, that's it. 780 00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:26,639 You're out of here. 781 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,719 Guy who, I swear, told me he was a professional lip 782 00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:30,239 reader, everyone. 783 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:41,039 On Saturday, a gunman stormed the White House Correspondents' 784 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:41,760 Dinner in Washington. 785 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,039 For all those in attendance, it was an undeniably 786 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,079 terrifying event. 787 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,559 President Donald Trump shat himself. 788 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:57,039 Then, minutes later, the shots rang out. 789 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:58,199 The host for the evening's event 790 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,959 was magician and mind reader Oz Pearlman, 791 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,279 who you can see here, using the power of his mind 792 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,559 to clamp my vagina shut. 793 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,039 In the aftermath of the shooting, 794 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,399 First Lady Melania Trump was quick to admonish 795 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,599 people for making light of the situation. 796 00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:21,399 We're real people, she said, blinking sideways. 797 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:25,319 Newly elected Green MP Hannah Spencer has said it is shocking 798 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,359 that, quote, "You can smell the alcohol 799 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,720 when people are in between votes in Parliament." 800 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,399 In response, Speaker of the House Sir Lindsay Hoyle 801 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,399 said, "I bloody love you, you mad bastard. 802 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:50,279 Oi, oi, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah, is that my knob having a piss?" 803 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,760 In a new attempt to keep Angela Raynor out of number 10, 804 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,639 a group of Labour MPs have launched a campaign 805 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,759 entitled "Anyone but Ange." 806 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,039 And if you don't know, "anyone but Ange" 807 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,119 is also who you ask for at the bar 808 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:09,159 if your date is going amazing. 809 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,439 Reform leader and your dad's favorite cam girl, 810 00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:16,479 Nigel Farage, is in hot water over failing to declare a 5 811 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,159 million pound donation from Christopher Harborne, 812 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:20,639 a Thai-based crypto billionaire. 813 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:23,039 If found negligent by the electoral commission, 814 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:28,599 Farage could face an email of up to 400 words. 815 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,079 Reform has said that the 5 million 816 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,199 pound donation from Harborne wasn't political 817 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,199 and didn't have to be declared because it 818 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:36,999 was a purely personal gift. 819 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,719 Now, we can't say for certain what the payment was for, 820 00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:43,359 but for 5 million pounds, Nigel must have been providing 821 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,039 some sort of valuable service. 822 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:54,719 And that's why Nigel Farage is my Power Bottom of the Week! 823 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:59,439 A postal worker in Somerset has found a nest of pigeons 824 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,319 living under his van. 825 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:02,079 It's mad. 826 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:03,679 Pigeons used to carry the post, and now 827 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,039 the post carries the pigeons. 828 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:11,159 What a crazy, mixed-up world we live in, folks. 829 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:11,760 What was that? 830 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:17,079 Sorry, I need to speak to my writers. 831 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,759 Oi, you call that a joke? 832 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,759 Do you want me to throw the dogs back in? 833 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:22,599 Do you? 834 00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:29,359 Sorry about that. 835 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:34,159 Local elections will take place on May the 7th. 836 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:42,719 Here to discuss them, it's Larry Dean. 837 00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:45,239 Larry, how do you see these local elections going? 838 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:48,279 @ - Well, Paddy, I don't know anything about politics, 839 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,319 ú but what I do know is people. 840 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,159 So I've traveled all around the world, 841 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,759 and I've found that you can tell how a person 842 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:55,799 votes by how they talk. 843 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:59,479 For example, in America, you can tell how someone 844 00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:00,359 votes from their mouth. 845 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,239 So if they're from, like, a blue, Democratic state, 846 00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:07,719 they will show you exactly what they're saying. 847 00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,719 But as soon as you hit those red, Republican areas, 848 00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:15,719 they'll stop moving the mouth altogether. 849 00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:17,279 I think the reason why is they're usually 850 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,439 saying something horrendously racist or homophobic, 851 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,399 or they don't want anybody lip reading them knowing they're 852 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:29,399 the one that just said it. 853 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,319 And how can you tell how British people 854 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:33,199 are going to vote? 855 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:36,239 Well, in London, usually, Paddy, it's a posture thing. 856 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:39,719 So if you're a Labour working class voter, you're going 857 00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:40,679 to be a lot more limp. 858 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,519 Even the jaw muscle's loose, probably from all the ketamine 859 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,519 they've been having. 860 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,319 And if you're a London Tory voter, 861 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:52,519 your posture will be stiffer, probably from all the Pilates 862 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:57,639 and flinching whenever their father walks in the room. 863 00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,199 The number one rule, though, is if you're a posh Londoner, 864 00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,439 you're not allowed to show any emotion until you're 865 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:10,440 finished your sentence. 866 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:13,719 Who am I voting for? 867 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:15,279 Well, I do like the idea of tax cuts, 868 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,479 but I don't want to seem selfish, so. 869 00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,199 Liberal Democrat, ooh. 870 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,719 And how can you tell if someone votes Green? 871 00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:27,519 Oh, don't worry, Paddy, they'll tell you. 872 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:31,119 And, uh-- 873 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:32,199 What about Scotland? 874 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,519 Well, in Scotland-- you know how when you get older, you 875 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,039 become more right-wing, right? 876 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,319 That's why I think the Tories and 877 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,439 Reform will never win in Scotland, because we 878 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,799 don't live long enough. 879 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:43,639 Fascinating. 880 00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:47,439 And tell me, Larry, how do they vote in China? 881 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,799 That's all for me, mate, thanks very much. 882 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:50,519 Cheers. 883 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,439 Larry Dean, everyone! 884 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,639 In big TV news, the lineup for the next 885 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:06,279 series of "Celebrity Traitors" was announced this morning. 886 00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,119 It features plenty of exciting castings, 887 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,399 including Maya Jama, James Acaster, and 888 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:17,439 fan favorite Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khomeini. 889 00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,760 I'll be honest, I didn't really 890 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,239 like the "Celebrity Traitors." 891 00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:22,479 That's what I call all those pigs who turned 892 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:27,559 their back on Gregg Wallace. 893 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:31,359 Scientists are trialing a new scanning technique that could 894 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,639 help diagnose endometriosis. 895 00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,559 This completely non-invasive procedure 896 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,719 will be available to women nationwide 897 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:39,559 just as soon as doctors work out how 898 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,319 to make it incredibly painful. 899 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,599 In Pompeii, archaeologists have discovered the remains 900 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,800 of a Roman who fled the eruption of Mount Vesuvius 901 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,279 holding a bowl over his head. 902 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,039 If there's anything worse than a volcanic eruption, 903 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:54,719 it's a volcanic eruption while getting 904 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:57,799 a haircut from your mum. 905 00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:59,439 New data shows that breast reduction 906 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:03,679 surgery has become more common than breast implant surgery. 907 00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,319 And both options are far more popular than what 908 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,279 I went for, one of each. 909 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,159 Business, pleasure. 910 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:16,199 In the last few weeks, at least five people in Southport 911 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,359 have overdosed on contaminated heroin. 912 00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:22,239 So if you're in Southport and taking heroin-- sorry, 913 00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:26,599 what do I mean, if? 914 00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:30,759 A new survey-- 915 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:34,559 A new survey has found that 39% of young Brits who still 916 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,159 live with their parents say it affects 917 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:38,159 how often they have sex. 918 00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,359 So if you want to keep having sex with your parents, 919 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,439 move out. 920 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:46,479 You'll get the spark back, trust me. 921 00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,519 A West Ham supporter shocked other train passengers 922 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,399 traveling to the game after preparing 923 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,599 a steak dinner in the carriage with a pair 924 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:54,639 of hair straighteners. 925 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,439 When asked by his friends if he ran into any trouble on the way 926 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,679 to the game, he told them, there was a bit of beef, 927 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:05,519 but I straightened it out. 928 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:06,519 I told you. 929 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:12,079 I told you! 930 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,719 Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary has 931 00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:17,759 warned European airlines could go bust as the Iran war causes 932 00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,159 a surge in jet fuel prices. 933 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,760 Here to comment on the increased cost of flying, 934 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,119 a woman who's been invited to her fourth destination wedding 935 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:26,759 this year, Ayoade Bamgboye! 936 00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:35,279 I can't live like this. 937 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,279 ú War rages on, famine, floods. 938 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:40,279 You mean to tell me thatú with all these goings on, 939 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:44,519 your best foot forward is a wedding in Sardinia? 940 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,119 The Hindu as an arbiter, that's another 900 pounds. 941 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:51,679 I've dipped into my pension so we can make some TikToks. 942 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,199 These places aren't cheap. 943 00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:55,239 You can't just not go? 944 00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:58,599 You can't just not go-- shut up. 945 00:45:58,600 --> 00:45:59,279 Shut up! 946 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:00,599 How do you think that's going to play out? 947 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,119 I'm the villain if I say, I don't want 948 00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:05,039 to watch your 98-year-old grandma get a plane, 949 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,479 a ferry, and a bus. 950 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:07,159 I don't. 951 00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:08,439 She's not going to make it. 952 00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,679 What if you just treat it like a holiday? 953 00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:12,719 Why are you thick? 954 00:46:12,720 --> 00:46:14,719 I don't want to go to Marrakesh. 955 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:16,679 It's not on my list. 956 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,679 Whatever happened to just getting married down the road? 957 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:21,319 Whatever happened to white feminism? 958 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,359 Marriage is actually an outdated institution 959 00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:26,159 that upholds patriarchal structures. 960 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:31,079 Emma Watson-- Emma Watson, where are you? 961 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:31,599 Help! 962 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,639 Are you saying you shouldn't get married at all? 963 00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:38,439 When did I say-- let a woman speak. 964 00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,719 Marriage is essential, especially 965 00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:41,479 as it pertains to the transference of assets, 966 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,359 probates, and inheritance tax-- not my words, but 967 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,760 the words of Martin Lewis, money saving expert, 968 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,199 the greatest man alive today. 969 00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,479 Is this still about destination weddings? 970 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:53,359 Martin Lewis, please-- 971 00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:54,760 I'm saving myself for you. 972 00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,159 Ayoade Bamgboe, everybody! 973 00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,239 For "Weekend Update", I'm Paddy Young! 974 00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:03,999 And I'm Ania Magliano, goodnight! 975 00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:43,319 Oh, my God. 976 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,039 Hello, Archie. 977 00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:46,399 Hey, Bugbee. 978 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:47,479 Hello, Cripps. 979 00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:49,079 You're right, Bacon. 980 00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,719 Archie and Bugbee. 981 00:47:51,720 --> 00:47:53,159 This is awkward. 982 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:54,199 Yeah, this is awkward. 983 00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,239 I heard Sprinkly pulled you for a chat, Cripsey. 984 00:47:57,240 --> 00:47:58,279 Oh, really? 985 00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,239 Not gonna lie, kind of awks. 986 00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:01,399 Yeah, it was awkward. 987 00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:05,720 Archie, Bacon, do you mind if Bugbee and I have a moment? 988 00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:10,720 We'll leave you to it. 989 00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:12,119 It's good to see you. 990 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,599 Yeah, it's good to see you, too. 991 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,199 This is awkward. 992 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:16,800 Yeah. 993 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,079 Hello, you two. 994 00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:22,079 Sprinkly! 995 00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,679 Niiiice one, mate. 996 00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:26,719 Sprinkly. 997 00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:28,719 Cripsey, Bugbee. 998 00:48:28,720 --> 00:48:31,079 Well, this is awkward. 999 00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:34,439 Sprinkly, mate, don't take the pass-- have you 1000 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,359 guys hooked up, yes or nah? 1001 00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:38,359 We have. 1002 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,239 It was, like, one time. 1003 00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:41,239 Mate, no! 1004 00:48:41,240 --> 00:48:44,199 You must be taking the actual pass. 1005 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:50,199 Friggers, Mippy Moo,ú Bacon again, hello you lot. 1006 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:54,319 This is awkward. 1007 00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:55,639 You OK, Bugbee? 1008 00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:56,279 Yeah. 1009 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:57,719 To be fair with you, Friggers, Sprinkly and 1010 00:48:57,720 --> 00:48:59,760 Cripps just ruined my life. 1011 00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:02,959 Can I have a moment with Sprinkly, please? 1012 00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:04,319 We'll leave you guys to it. 1013 00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:12,079 Nice one, Sprinkly, you fucking rodent. 1014 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,079 You look butters today. 1015 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,039 Cheers. 1016 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,999 This is awkward. 1017 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,399 How was Hong Kong? 1018 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,199 Never been there. 1019 00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:23,559 Fair. 1020 00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:25,719 Did you sleep with Bacon? 1021 00:49:25,720 --> 00:49:28,359 Yeah, probably. 1022 00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:31,439 Oh, hello, Buttcheeks. 1023 00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,039 Bacon again. 1024 00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:34,559 Buttcheeks? 1025 00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,199 This is awkward. 1026 00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:41,439 Mippy Moo, Sprinkly. 1027 00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,119 Bacon, I heard you got a job. 1028 00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,399 Take that back! 1029 00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:49,039 Fair. 1030 00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:51,279 @ - Bacon, Sprinkly, could Iú have a moment with Mippy, 1031 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,679 please, mate? 1032 00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:53,519 Course, mate. 1033 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:57,679 We'll leave you to it. 1034 00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,239 Oh, God, 1035 00:50:00,240 --> 00:50:02,079 This is awkward. 1036 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:02,719 All right. 1037 00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:05,279 Friggers, Landoughna, Cripps, again, 1038 00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,519 Bacon again-- wait, no Bacon. 1039 00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:08,519 You OK, Buttcheeks? 1040 00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,199 ú - Hello, Buttcheeks, shut up. 1041 00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:12,519 Shut up, Buttcheeks! 1042 00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:13,559 You bloody liar! 1043 00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,760 You must be taking the actually pass! 1044 00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,359 Did you or didn't you frig Friggers and Sprinkly up 1045 00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,399 the backside? - Me? 1046 00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:23,199 This is awkward. 1047 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:24,519 Me, Friggers, and Cripps, or just me? 1048 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:28,800 So did you or didn't you, yes or no? 1049 00:50:30,240 --> 00:50:33,799 You must be taking the actual pass! 1050 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:38,079 I'm really upset, I'll leave you to it. 1051 00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:42,719 Mippy Moo, Cripsey, Landoughna, Buttcheeks, 1052 00:50:42,720 --> 00:50:43,800 I'm Bacon. 1053 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:45,159 Buttcheeks, Bacon again. 1054 00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:50,479 Bacon, we'll leave you to it. 1055 00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,479 You're taking the actual pass, Landy. 1056 00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:55,559 Mippy Moo was really upset! 1057 00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:56,479 I'll leave you to it. 1058 00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:57,800 - Cripps. - Mippy Moo. 1059 00:50:58,040 --> 00:50:59,439 - Friggers. - Friggers! 1060 00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,399 Wait, wait! 1061 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,079 Who the F are you? 1062 00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,119 Um, Michael. 1063 00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:15,279 Munty? 1064 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:16,479 No, Michael. 1065 00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,079 What the Earth do you want, Michael? 1066 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:20,399 I've been trying to get my mother's 1067 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:24,679 corpse into that ambulance for the past five minutes. 1068 00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,039 Could you please move aside? 1069 00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:27,759 Yeah. 1070 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,159 Fair, mate. 1071 00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:36,319 We'll leave you guys to it. 1072 00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:45,599 Post git. 1073 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:54,519 This is awkward. 1074 00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:21,079 Fancy another one? 1075 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:23,319 It's Meek! 1076 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:36,479 ♪ Yes ♪ 1077 00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:40,799 ♪ I like a drink and I still smoke cigarettes ♪ 1078 00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:41,559 ♪ Yes ♪ 1079 00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:44,799 ♪ I'm so uncool and I don't have many friends ♪ 1080 00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:46,399 ♪ Guess ♪ 1081 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,279 ♪ I'm what they call a lost cause ♪ 1082 00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:50,399 ♪ But then again-- ♪ 1083 00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,159 ♪ Ah, ah, ahhh ♪ 1084 00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:55,559 ♪ I was born for a different audience ♪ 1085 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:56,319 ♪ We, ♪ 1086 00:52:56,320 --> 00:52:58,239 ♪ Glorious freaks, ♪ 1087 00:52:58,240 --> 00:53:04,599 ♪ Beautiful nightmares in feathers and beads ♪ 1088 00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:06,399 ♪ Ah, ah, ahh ♪ 1089 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,359 ♪ Live to be queens ♪ 1090 00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:15,439 ♪ World full of weirdos and sinners like me ♪ 1091 00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,319 ♪ Na, nananana ♪ 1092 00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:21,199 ♪ Nanana naana ♪ 1093 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,639 ♪ Nananana ♪ 1094 00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:27,519 ♪ We're beautiful freaks! ♪ 1095 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,679 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1096 00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,399 ♪ Nananana ♪ 1097 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,599 ♪ We're beautiful ♪ 1098 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,199 ♪ Yes, yes, yes ♪ 1099 00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:41,119 ♪ I'm well aware everybody's gonna judge me ♪ 1100 00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:42,199 ♪ I guess ♪ 1101 00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:46,559 ♪ I might as well make the world my runway ♪ 1102 00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:47,599 ♪ Yes ♪ 1103 00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:51,159 ♪ Coming through and it won't be quietly ♪ 1104 00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:52,039 ♪ Ahah, aah ♪ 1105 00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,279 ♪ 'Cause I was born to little history ♪ 1106 00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,079 ♪ We glorious freaks ♪ 1107 00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:03,719 ♪ Beautiful nightmares in feathers and beads ♪ 1108 00:54:03,720 --> 00:54:06,559 ♪ We're beautiful freaks ♪ 1109 00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:09,239 ♪ Beautiful freaks ♪ 1110 00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:10,439 ♪ World full of weirdos ♪ 1111 00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:16,039 ♪ and sinners like me ♪ 1112 00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:18,760 ♪ Na, nananana ♪ 1113 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,359 ♪ Nanana naana ♪ 1114 00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:24,319 ♪ Nananana ♪ 1115 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,760 ♪ We're beautiful freaks ♪ 1116 00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,399 ♪ Na nananana ♪ 1117 00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:31,719 ♪ Oooh oh ♪ 1118 00:54:31,720 --> 00:54:34,399 ♪ Nananana ♪ 1119 00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,319 ♪ We're beautiful freaks, ♪ 1120 00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,159 ♪ We're beautiful freaks ♪ 1121 00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:42,199 ♪ We're beautiful freaks, ♪ 1122 00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,439 ♪ We're beautiful freaks ♪ 1123 00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:46,359 ♪ We're beautiful freaks, ♪ 1124 00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,279 ♪ We're beautiful freaks ♪ 1125 00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:52,399 ♪ With beautiful nightmares ♪ 1126 00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,359 ♪ Nananana ♪ 1127 00:54:54,360 --> 00:55:00,399 ♪ We're beautiful freaks ♪ 1128 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:02,159 Thank you and goodnight! 1129 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:32,519 Got what it takes, my wife. 1130 00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,519 Got friends 'round, got roast pork for lunch! 1131 00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,159 Plenty of taste, British pork. 1132 00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:39,199 Great value for money. 1133 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,439 Fred's got plenty and Arthur's got plenty. 1134 00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:44,239 We've all got plenty! 1135 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:45,359 Plenty to go around. 1136 00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,079 My wife's got what it takes. 1137 00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,759 British pork, what's it got? 1138 00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:51,479 It's got the lot. 1139 00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:54,039 Got pork for lunch on Sunday? 1140 00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:55,279 OK. 1141 00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:56,279 Cut! 1142 00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:57,199 Great work, Tony. 1143 00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,239 Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. 1144 00:55:59,240 --> 00:55:59,999 Really good. 1145 00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,559 Guys, if we get this right, 1984 1146 00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:04,079 will be a landmark year for British pork. 1147 00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:07,399 Small thing though-- the British pork board 1148 00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:08,719 is now under new management. 1149 00:56:08,720 --> 00:56:11,279 Big change at the top, and the new team 1150 00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,719 are keen to go in a more frightening 1151 00:56:13,720 --> 00:56:15,719 direction with the adverts. 1152 00:56:15,720 --> 00:56:16,679 What, frightening? 1153 00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:18,559 Yes, they're hoping to frighten people 1154 00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,319 into eating more British pork. 1155 00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:21,559 Seems like a risky strategy. 1156 00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:23,199 Yeah, well, a few of the board's members 1157 00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:26,759 are in today, if you want to give them a wave. 1158 00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:27,439 Oh! 1159 00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:29,759 Oh, hello-- hello, everyone. 1160 00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:32,319 So let's run it again from the top. 1161 00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:34,079 Tony, I hate to give you a line read. 1162 00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:37,239 I think your first line is more like, 1163 00:56:37,240 --> 00:56:39,759 "Got what it takes, my wife." 1164 00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:41,759 What, more like a dark rage? 1165 00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,399 Like, got what it takes, my wife! 1166 00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:45,279 Got friends 'round. 1167 00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:46,759 Got roast pork for lunch! 1168 00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:47,599 That's it! 1169 00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:49,399 That seems-- that seems extreme. 1170 00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,399 Well, the pork board are loving it. 1171 00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:02,519 Just an idea, feel free to shoot me down, 1172 00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,999 but why doesn't Tony do all the lines? 1173 00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:06,999 I don't know about that. 1174 00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:08,319 It might come across like a, well, 1175 00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:09,719 a monologue full of hatred and menace. 1176 00:57:09,720 --> 00:57:11,720 Well, that's what we're going for, I think, yeah. 1177 00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,119 What would you be doing then, sorry? 1178 00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:15,399 Well, well, I thought that maybe I 1179 00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:19,159 could pour the gravy and sort of look at him like this. 1180 00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:20,239 Oh, God. 1181 00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:22,719 Yeah! 1182 00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:23,519 Oh, jeez! 1183 00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:24,679 Oh, yeah, that's brilliant! 1184 00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:26,119 I got chills from that! 1185 00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:26,599 Yes. 1186 00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,559 And Arthur, can you match that energy, do you reckon? 1187 00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:34,319 Yeah, maybe something along the lines of-- 1188 00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,559 Perfect, perfect, perfect. 1189 00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:37,319 Mwah! 1190 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:39,319 Question about the music in the background, how-- 1191 00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:41,679 Yeah, I was going to say maybe we lose the music. 1192 00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:43,399 Yeah, and instead of us talking, 1193 00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:46,439 we mime the conversation so we can hear 1194 00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:47,759 Tony's horrible monologue. 1195 00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,079 Yeah, but then-- but everyone's just 1196 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:51,039 eating in silence. 1197 00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:53,599 What if we clattered our cutlery on the plates 1198 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,119 really loudly, then it wouldn't be silent? 1199 00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:57,239 You know, like this. 1200 00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,079 Sort of like-- 1201 00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:01,159 Yeah, and move your mouths as well, sort of-- 1202 00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:02,159 yeah, that's nasty. 1203 00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:03,359 I love it, really nasty. 1204 00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,399 I've never seen the pork board so happy. 1205 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,720 I think that's the reaction we're looking for, really. 1206 00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:17,639 So, um, great. 1207 00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:19,599 Great suggestions, everyone. Let's go for a take, shall we? 1208 00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,159 OK. Everybody ready? 1209 00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:22,319 And action. 1210 00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:24,999 Got what it takes, my wife! 1211 00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,119 Got friends 'round. 1212 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:30,439 Got roast pork for lunch! 1213 00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,359 Keep saying it! 1214 00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:35,279 Plenty of taste, British pork! 1215 00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:36,639 Real value for money! 1216 00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,479 Fred's got plenty and Arthur's got plenty. 1217 00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:40,519 We've all got plenty! 1218 00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:41,760 I'm sorry, that just-- 1219 00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,759 that seems insane to me! 1220 00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:45,639 That's really mad. 1221 00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:47,359 Take two minutes, everyone, Tony, come. 1222 00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:48,319 I'm sorry, everyone. 1223 00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:49,759 I don't mean to be a bother. 1224 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,439 I'll sit down. 1225 00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:53,039 So, Tony. 1226 00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,759 The way I'm seeing it, as far as I'm concerned, right, 1227 00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:58,359 the pork's in the oven, OK? 1228 00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,359 The crackling is crisping up real nice. 1229 00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:03,399 All it needs, just a little bit of seasoning, 1230 00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:05,119 and that's where you come in. 1231 00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:14,399 All right? 1232 00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:15,999 What are you talking about? 1233 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:19,199 I am talking about pork, Tony! 1234 00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:20,999 It's always been about the pork! 1235 00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,199 It's time to join the conversation, OK? 1236 00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,639 Now, are you gonna join the conversation, right? 1237 00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,279 Or are we going to have to go elsewhere and 1238 00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:29,559 start talking to someone else? 'Cause 1239 00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:31,359 there's thousands of scary looking old blokes 1240 00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:34,399 out there who would give their left nuts to be standing where 1241 00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,719 you're standing right now! - OK, I can do it. 1242 00:59:36,720 --> 00:59:37,719 I can do it! 1243 00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:39,639 I can do it. 1244 00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:40,719 I know that, Tony, right? 1245 00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:43,159 The pork board know that. 1246 00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:48,399 It's time for you to show that to the world, OK? 1247 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:49,439 OK! 1248 00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:50,399 OK, OK! 1249 00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:51,599 - Yeah? - I can do this. 1250 00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,399 You can do this. All right! 1251 00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:54,279 Places, everyone. 1252 00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:58,399 Tony, head of the table, ready to carve in 3, 2, 1-- action! 1253 00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:00,639 Got what it takes, my wife. 1254 01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,319 Got friends 'round. 1255 01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:04,039 Got roast pork for lunch. 1256 01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:08,239 British pork, real value for money. 1257 01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,679 Fred's got plenty and Arthur's got plenty. 1258 01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:14,039 We've all got plenty. 1259 01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:15,239 Plenty to go around. 1260 01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,719 My wife's got what it takes. 1261 01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:19,759 British pork. 1262 01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:21,119 What's it got? 1263 01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:22,639 It's got the lot. 1264 01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:26,039 ú- Got pork for lunch on Sunday? 1265 01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,239 My biggest thanks to Meek, and a huge thank you 1266 01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:36,639 to the cast writers, , happy birthday, 1267 01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:40,599 Danny-- and everyone working on the show for making 1268 01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:41,519 this such a great week! 1269 01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:46,319 It's been so amazing to host "SNL UK"! 1270 01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:49,479 Goodnight!